So I’m starting to think that my bucket list will include replacing at least one body part – which one is going to give out first is not entirely clear.  I pulled my back recently.  It was not while moving furniture or from something even more impressive – like saving a child from a burning car.  No…it was from…blowing my nose.  I have replayed this in my mind several times and still can’t figure out how it happened.  It was not some heavy weight 50-pound tissue I was using.  This was regular Kleenex…knowing me…most likely the bargain brand.  I did not blow out a 20 pound tumor. While I can’t really remember any “typical” nose blowing routine that I have, this particular instance did not seem unusual.  I sniffled…I blew…and I grabbed a chair to stay upright.

The only other person in the room was my friends daughter.  We were at their house for the Superbowl.  Don’t think the irony of this is lost on me.  There were 300 pound men pummeling each other and walking away while I am apparently so delicate, that one good forceful breath will knock me off my feet.  Although…delicate and I have never been used back-painin a sentence together before.  I’m typically more the “sturdy” type….which is code for “big boned”.  Back to my point, however.  My friends daughter asked “Are you OK?” with a look on her face like “please don’t ever let me get this old!”  Mind you, she is an absolutely gorgeous size ‘0’ blond who couldn’t gain weight if she ate her way through a Baskin-Robbins.  I had a brief moment of reminiscing of when I was in my early 20’s and all of my body parts were actually in the right place.  I was cute then.  And in less pain.  And probably looked at older women the same way.  This is obviously my punishment.

I made my way back to my seat and spent the rest of the day trying to find a comfortable position that didn’t make things worse.  There was none.  Apparently, your back is connected to almost every movement you make.  I am acutely aware of this now!  I went through a week of lower back irritation which somehow has now settled into my right hip.  Same type of problem – hard to find a good position.  Not causing me to scream in pain but enough to make me wince when I turn the wrong way…which is about every five minutes.  My short term memory is shot so each time my hip yells up to my brain “I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT”, my brain retains that information for about four minutes…and then tries the exact same thing again.  Maybe I need to start with a brain transplant.

I have been reminding myself that this is not as bad as the pinched nerve that I had in my shoulder a few years ago.  There is nothing like nerve pain..hot, painful, burning and nothing truly seems to relieve it.  This I can do…dull pain is better.  Although, I would truly just like to give up the whole pain thing in general.  I also had Tennis Elbow four years ago.  I don’t play tennis.  Evidently, that is not a requirement…which does not seem fair.  I shouldn’t be able to get something that is named after something that I don’t do.  It should be called “Iced Tea Pitcher Elbow” since that was what finally drove me to seeing a MD.  It was effecting my quality of life when I couldn’t lift the Iced Tea pitcher out of the refrigerator.  We all have our limits.

At this point, my knees and ankles take turns acting up.  I’m staring to think that my whole body actually has a personality disorder and is just attention seeking.  I’m wondering if I just buy myself a nice lotion if everything would just calm down.  I am setting up an appointment for a massage this week.  My cranky body does like that immensely.  I’ll also probably break down and go see the MD if my hip doesn’t get back to normal soon.  You would think as a nurse that I would be at the doctors anytime I have a problem.  We are the worst patients.  The last time I went, she nailed me down for a Mammogram, Colonoscopy, Pelvic and labs with a lecture on coming more often.  This did not make me want to visit more frequently.

So, I’m falling apart…one piece at a time.  In spite of that, I’m reminded that just this morning, I was able to chase eight three-year-old’s around the room at Children’s Church.  I have a pretty amazing immune system that enables me to count on one hand the number of times I’ve stayed home sick over the past five years.  At my age now, my father was beginning to have heart issues and my mother was hypertensive with Type II Diabetes.  She would later pass away due to having multiple strokes.  The last one took her when all signs were saying that she was getting better and that her life was about to return to some normalcy.

So maybe the bone and muscle aches are not so bad.  Maybe they just remind me to stay on top of my health and actually go to that MD appointment.  Maybe it’s just another reminder of my human-hood…and a reminder to get started on that Bucket List – while I still have the capability of moving around.  I wonder sometimes what my mother didn’t get to do.  I feel oddly at peace that my life has been pretty great and if I died tonight, I wouldn’t have any regrets. (I feel the need to add – God…I’m also good with sticking around for another 40 years if you find me useful, so please don’t take that last comment as an invitation.)  I do think, however, that there is more to do…so time to start planning.  What should I do first?

Posted by:Sheri Saretsky

I spent ten years as a single parent of three boys. I then married my wonderful husband and he was inducted into the world of boy raising. Now we get to add my peri-menopause to the mix! Its been a crazy life...one I wouldn't change a minute of....

One thought on “One Piece at a Time

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