I made a decision today. I’m joining a boot camp. Five days a week for one hour of someone yelling at me to work out. To add insult to injury, I am paying him to do so. Why do I need someone to verbally abuse me to get me to work out? I ask myself that frequently…genetics? laziness? I blame perimenopause.
Symptoms of perimenopause are mood swings, fatigue, insomnia and weight gain. Check…check..check….and really big check! I lost 60 pounds four years ago. I have gained 30 back. I ask myself on a daily basis how I have let this happen. This conversation typically takes place with a bag of popcorn in my hand….not an individual size bag, mind you…the 80 cup bag from Costco. Need I say more?
I have been on an eating binge for the past few months. I tend to be a stress eater and while I love my job, it has been at peak stress levels lately. It does not appear that it will let up anytime soon. So..unless I want to end up on some documentary about how a wall needed to be removed to get me out of my bedroom, I need to stop the madness….Or buy bigger clothes and add a roll up door to my bedroom. I hate feeling uncomfortable in my skin and I’ve been amazed at how many feelings of insecurity return with each gained pound. If I ever go into research, I will research the psychology of weight gain and self esteem. Of course, work like that will require me to put down my popcorn, so it will remain on my bucket list for now.
Now I did a boot camp about six years ago. Actually it was with the same trainer, Jake Glaze. Jake does a great job and I truly enjoyed his classes. I believe the only thing that stopped me going years ago was some financial issues. When I decided that drastic times call for drastic measures, I looked him up. He pushed me to run my absolute farthest I ever have without stopping. I’m embarrassed to say that is…one mile. I can walk 20 miles in a Monsoon as proven by doing the 3 day walk in 2010 but elegant running has always eluded me. My brother asked me today if I still wheeze when I run. Yes…people follow behind me with inhalers. Don’t laugh…it happened. Twice. I have exercise induced asthma. It’s a real thing.
That won’t stop me however. I will push past the wheezing and continue on. As long as I’m conscious. And breathing. Which I will be. Because someone will thrust an inhaler in my face.
I will ask you to think good thoughts for me and for those running in front of me. My loud asthmatic breathing tends to be distracting and they either speed up to block out the noise, or feel like they need to stay close by in case I go into cardiac arrest. Either way, I’m sure it’s impeding their own workout. Nothing bad has ever happened. My breathing returns to normal as soon as my lungs talk sense into my legs. What they are really trying to say is…STOP RUNNING! YOU CAN’T BREATH! Eventually I stop running and walk briskly, typically holding everyone up from the next activity. Wait…Why am I doing this again?
Oh that’s right….because I did not win the genetic lottery! My mother passed away from stroke related issues and my dad has had several heart attacks. So it seems prudent to develop a working cardiovascular system..in spite of the asthma and in spite of the fact that tomorrow will most likely be tremendously challenging. I’ll let you know at the end of the week if I made it. If I don’t write, I am either hanging my head in shame or have been banned by the actual runners who got tired of chasing me with a nebulizer. I have a feeling I’ll be fine. It is a women’s only group so unless it turns out that I’m the only one that is actually overweight, it has always been a pretty supportive group in the past. One woman actually finished her mile during the time test and then came back to run the last half with me. I believe she was in the health field. She may have just wanted to be closer to me in case I collapsed.
So…say a prayer. We all have things to change. This is my issue to tackle right now. The group is called the “Little Black Dress Project”. I’d settle for a Big Black Dress at this point…as long as it fit. I have a formal party with Eric’s work coming up in July and Graduation in August. I would like to be able to wear something other than a floor-length mumu. Keep me in your thoughts. Stay tuned for how my week goes and if I am capable of any movement by Friday!